LOVE
Be the Empress He Wants
by Marjorie McKennen
Associate Editor
Alright, real talk: do you actually know what makes your guy feel wanted? Not just what he thinks is “nice,” but the things that make him feel cherished and happy on a daily basis? If you’re in a straight relationship, give it some real thought for a sec. (for my LGBTQ+ friends, there’s a version of this for you coming soon!)
Guys aren’t actually that complicated. My college roommate used to joke you just have to cover the three B's—baseball, babes, and bucks. Not the most sophisticated take, but I’ll admit she definitely wasn't wrong about the “babes” part. Personally, I’d add one more “B” to the mix: blowjobs. Yep.
Don’t tune out just yet—there’s actual science backing this up. A 2022 study from Indiana University's Kinsey Institute found that some men crave oral even more than they crave food. A more recent Oxford study showed that guys in a committed relationship usually get 1-2 blowjobs per week, but over 89% of male study participants expressed a strong desire for more frequent BJs. A bunch of other research basically agrees. Let's be frank, ladies—almost every guy wants regular BJs. Not exactly earth-shattering, but there it is.
What does this actually mean in practice? Most guys just want regular oral action that helps them ring the finish bell. Better yet, the time commitment is totally manageable. The average man only lasts about 10 to 12 minutes before everything blows—depending on your skills, his excitement, and the vibe. But remember, just because he's a huge fan of BJs doesn’t mean you have to cater to his every whim or act like a 1950s housewife. Nevertheless, when it comes from a place of true affection, it can do a lot more good for both of you than just checking an item off a list.
But here's the rub. Nobody really says it out loud, but most women have no idea if they’re doing a good job, let alone if their guy’s enjoying himself—especially if he’s one of those “silent” types. If he tells you how much he likes it, that’s a double win. You’ve just scored major points, and you’ve found someone who’s not afraid to give credit where it’s due. Keep it up and eventually you might just be good enough to fall into “blowjob queen" territory.
But let’s push it further. You could be a queen… or you could be an empress. A queen’s got her one kingdom. But an empress? She’s running the whole empire—multiple kingdoms, all hers. There’s a big difference. It’s a whole new level—and most of us have probably never gone for that title. But why not? It’s about rising above "good” and becoming so outstanding that nobody else comes close. The difference? A blowjob empress possesses her man both physically AND emotionally. She puts physical and emotional excitement together into the BJ, and her guy experiences something so intense that it will make him hers in a whole new way.
Sound good? Ready for the next level? Here’s how to go from just “blowjob queen” to “blowjob empress” in a few straightforward steps. If you already have some of these covered, now’s your chance to nail down the last few.
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Show Enthusiasm If it feels like a chore, sure, he’ll probably still experience some great orgasms—but getting genuinely into it? That’s a total game-changer. Your enthusiasm can do more for him than any fancy move.
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Talk Naughty Look, getting naughty with your words can feel awkward at first, but most guys lose their minds over it. Don’t worry about sounding like you’re in some X-rated movie—just ease in and ask what turns him on. A couple of dirty texts or whispered words might end up being the hottest thing you’ve ever tried.
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Focus on Desire The wrong way: “Here we go again. Different day, same job. I'll just open wide and get it over with.” The right way: “His hard cock in front of me is the single most important thing in my universe right now. I don't just want it; I need it. I crave it. Everything else in the world is melting away and it is my sole focus. It will be the most delicious thing I’ve ever put in my mouth, and I want to drink in every single lifegiving part of the man I love.” Maybe a bit dramatic, I admit, but I think you get the point.
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Use Your Eyes Want to instantly boost the intimacy? Use your eyes. Periodically locking eyes while going down on him is an incredibly powerful move. You can use your gaze to signal different moods—from romantic and loving, to visibly aroused, to intensely passionate, or even a naughty reminder that you're controlling his prized possession. He’ll catch on to your vibes immediately, priming him for an even more explosive response.
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Handle Him You've got more than a mouth and tongue in your arsenal—bring your hands into the mix. You’ll save your jaw, plus he’ll love the extra attention. Consider it multitasking, in the best possible way.
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Swallow Then there’s the swallowing thing. Does it really matter? Absolutely, but not everyone’s dying to do it (let’s not pretend otherwise). But for plenty of dudes, that’s the moment. Devouring his load is the green light that says, “she’s all in.” If you’re gagging just thinking about it, you’re not alone—seriously, everyone gets squeamish at first—but stick with it. Just picture it as an unforgettable grand finale. Believe me, just knowing the BJ will end this way builds massive anticipation and lets him know that your commitment to his pleasure is in a league of its own.
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Beyond Best (Optional) This expert-level move definitely isn't for the timid. We’re talking about the legendary hands-free blowjob. It sounds like total myth, but I’m here to tell you that it’s 100% possible. Fair warning: it will take some top-tier skills, plenty of practice, and toned jaw muscles—but trust me, it’s beyond worth it for both of you. Once you’ve mastered the move, you become a member of a very exclusive club.
Do blowjobs matter to guys? Far more than most women think. And now you have it—the playbook on how to be at the top of your game. No crazy tricks, marathon sessions, or freaky stuff required. Deciding if you want to chase the title of his empress? That’s your call—crown and all.
Commit to mastering these six techniques and making them part of every BJ. It takes work, but if you follow through, you will become truly unstoppable. Why would he ever look elsewhere or be distracted by that flirtatious next-door neighbor? He won’t—because he knows you have something they never will—unmatched blowjob skills. It's your secret weapon.
That’s how you go from being just his queen, to the empress he can’t stop thinking about. He’ll be hooked, and for all the right reasons. So step up, take charge, and soak in the satisfaction of knowing you’re the best at what you do. Be his personal empress—because, why settle for queen when the other throne’s wide open?
